Aardvark Straws secure patent for bendy paper straw
Specifically they received the patent for the bendable paper straw. Yes, the very same technology you’ve been sucking soda with for years, but they’re the first to actually make it work with a paper straw.
You might be thinking, “Who cares? It’s just a straw.” You, sir or madam, are an idiot. Aardvark Straws are the greatest pieces of paper on the planet. Not only do they help transport a cocktail from your glass to your mouth, they also refuse to dissolve like regular paper straws. I don’t know science, but I know anecdotes trump fact.
A year ago I bought a soap dispenser at Target for my kitchen sink. It turns out that some jackwagon at the pump factory cut the tube too short, so it ends about inches above of the bottom of the reservoir. So what did I do? Take it back to Target, which is a mere 3 blocks from my apartment? Nope.
I cut down an star-spangled Aardvark Straw and attached it to the bottom of the tube. It’s been pumping out dish soap to wash my beer and whiskey glasses ever since. That measly little paper straw has held up immersed in dish soap for over a year.