Hipsters ruined PBR for poor people everywhere, and it’s time they move on to something else. The question is, what everyman’s booze brand with they destroy next? Here are seven predictions of the next PBR.
1. Labatt Blue
Hipsters love obscure choices that no one cares about, so picking a beer synonymous with hockey is a no-brainer. It’s the only sport for which people care less than soccer. Plus, hipsters’ flannels, beards, and weird droopy beanies knit by their aunts will keep them warm as they stand on a frozen lake and pretend they know what a puck is.
PBR sold 18 million cases in 1977. Even with the hipster revival it’s only at 3 million now. At it’s peak, Narragansett had 65% market share in New England, and now no one under 50 has even heard of it. It sounds like the perfect choice for hipsters to claim as their own. The only thing that might stop it is the stellar product placement in Jaws.
3. Black Label
This is almost too obvious for hipsters to appreciate, but Pabst makes another terrible beer that no one likes. It’s called Black Label, and you probably drank it during college when the beer store ran out of Beast Light. It tastes like liquid sadness, making it perfect for people who pretend like their lives are really tough.